Who Concedes the Need?

December 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

How does a man have self-esteem when he’s barely allowed to admit that his body contains testerone? “Vanity” and “positive self-image” have been assigned as the male and female definitions of the same thing. Woman, though, musn’t admit a desire or need for man. So, everyone’s alone: the man tired of rejection and the woman who won’t relinquish the first-right to reject. He’s gone from being what he thinks she wants to what he knows he is, but still hopes it’s what she wants. (The faith weakens, but it never dies.) He stops pursuing and waits for her to stop waiting for him. So, they’re both alone. Who’s wait is more significant? Less impatient? Who concedes the need?

A More Comforting Fire

October 23, 2012 § Leave a comment

Permission to be happy struggles against a habit of bitterness and blame; acceptance against judgment. Who we ware against who we are. The struggle is in the choosing. Or in allowing there to be no choice. Giving in. Having faith, even that there is something to have faith in. Or losing the faith we have. Do we need a faith? or faith? What can we afford to take for granted? What will come to our rescue? Irony and cynicism slobber under the tightrope, but let ’em go hungry while other passions consume us in a more comforting fire.

A Bit Much to Ask

January 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

To be touched by the faith of others is not hard for me. To find my own is another matter. I accept another’s belief that they will meet their dear-departeds in the afterlife even if I can’t believe in the same for myself. I must believe in something, though, to wake up every day, though many days the awakening is reluctant and seemingly without purpose. Hope, that vague stepsister of faith, is the best reason to roll out of bed, grumbling and stiff. There’s the hope of my daughters making the world a better place; the hope of catching up to and connecting with it myself. On good days hope can turn confidently toward faith, but it doesn’t stay; it doesn’t know how to behave itself; it wants too much and wants it now. Love is a bit much to ask for on a daily basis, and way too much to believe is imminent. Hope is a tease, faith is a ghost.

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